Assumption or Curiosity?

A Reflection for Church Leaders​

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After nearly thirty years of walking with Christ, unusual circumstances have repeatedly placed me in the position of being new to church communities. 

As a result, I have had the rare opportunity to experience many churches from the perspective normally occupied by new believers, visitors, and newcomers. 

One observation has surfaced repeatedly. 

Many church communities relate to newcomers through assumption rather than curiosity. 

 

Assumption Asks:

• Where does this person fit?

• What category belongs to them?

• What is their background?

• What level of maturity are they?

• What role should they occupy?

 

Most of these questions are not malicious. 

They are often attempts to make sense of people quickly. 

Yet assumptions create lenses. 

And lenses often become stronger than reality. 

 

Curiosity Asks:

• Who is this person?

• What has God been doing in their life?

• What experiences have shaped them?

• What gifts do they carry?

• What might God wish to show us through them?

 

Curiosity creates relationship. 

Assumption creates categories. 

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The Same Person, Different Interpretations

One surprising observation from moving between churches is that the very same person can be seen completely differently depending upon the culture of the church. 

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One community may view them as: 

• experienced

Another as: 

• inexperienced

 

One as: 

• gifted

Another as: 

• needing help

 

One as: 

• confident

Another as: 

• wounded

 

The person has not changed. 

The lens has. 

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This raises an important question: 

How often are we interacting with people as they truly are, and how often are we interacting with our assumptions about them?

 

The Prodigal Son and the Lens of Identity

The parable of the prodigal son offers a profound example. 

Different people would have interpreted the son differently. 

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The villagers likely saw: 

a disgrace.

 

The elder brother saw: 

an irresponsible brother.

 

The son saw: 

a failure.

 

The father saw: 

my son.

 

The difference was not information. 

Everyone knew what had happened. 

The difference was vision. 

The father saw beyond the condition to the person. 

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New Believers Experience the Church Through Its Lenses

A newcomer often encounters the church before they encounter its theology. 

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They first encounter: 

• how they are seen

• how they are welcomed

• how they are understood

• how they are categorised

 

Many people can tell within minutes whether they are being explored with curiosity or processed through assumptions. 

The experience is profoundly different. 

 

A Question for Leaders

When someone walks through the door, what happens first? 

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Do we seek to determine:

What are they?

 

Or do we seek to discover: 

Who are they?

 

Those are not the same question. 

The first leads toward categorisation. 

The second leads toward relationship. 

 

The Father's Posture

Perhaps one of the deepest lessons of the Father in Luke 15 is that He refuses to let labels become identities. 

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He does not greet the son as: 

• the rebel

• the failure

• the disappointment

• the one who wasted everything

 

He greets him as: 

My son.

 

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts a church can offer new people is not immediate assessment, but genuine curiosity.

 

Not: 

Let us decide who you are.

 

But: 

Tell us about the beloved child God has brought among us.

 

This shifts the culture of a church from management to relationship, from categorisation to discovery, and from assumption to seeing. 

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And perhaps that is much closer to the Father's lens.